Star Wars, Episode 10: The Sunshine of the Sith
Darth Vader swept some fallen leaves away,
his garden looked a treat – all reds and blues,
the Annual Flower Show was on today,
and something told him that he couldn’t lose.
His tri-galactic gerberas had grace,
the roses from Redonn had grown some more,
“the best begonia bush in outer space”
or so he liked to tell the guy next door.
He’d planted bluebell bulbs from Tattooine,
and multi-hued nasturtiums from Naboo,
his hyacinth was fit to give a Queen,
in shades of pink and yellow, red and blue.
He’d bought a bright green helmet for this show,
quite sick of looking like a plastic Goth,
his cape and pants and boots were white as snow,
embroidered with some mistletoe from Hoth.
The judges came, a panel seven strong,
they ooh’d and aah’d, and breathed a lot of sighs,
with seven smiles it didn’t take too long,
they proudly handed Darth the major prize.
“Congratulations, sir, and here’s your crown,
such color and variety I see,
outclassing every garden in the town,
though, how you did it’s still a mystery.
“This Spring has been so bleak – the weather sick,
with frost and cloudy days it’s been so hard,
and yet you’ve conjured up a magic trick:
this feast of flowery colors in your yard.”
Darth’s neighbor yelled out: “Are you judges blind?
He used to be a Jedi Knight, of course –
these flowers are but images of mind,
he gets them from the dark side of the force!”
Darth Vader stared right at the man next door,
“There was a time I’d simply crush your head,
but I don’t do that dark stuff any more,
my efforts now are on my garden bed.”
“I know about your mind-hypno techniques –
A flower needs some sunshine for its heat,
we haven’t even seen the sun for weeks,
now give that trophy back, you great big cheat!”
The Sith rose to his full imposing height,
his voice rang through the garden in a boom,
“You wish to know my secret? Well, all right,
I’ll show you how I make my flowers bloom.”
He pressed a little green remote control,
the people heard a whirring in the air –
across the garden, like a parasol
on wires strung, light sabers everywhere!
“Behold my Jedi sunshine!” Vader cried
and pointed the controller like a gun,
his neighbor stood there silent, goggle-eyed
as all the sabers lit up like the sun.
These days you’ll find Darth at a beach somewhere,
he hires a man to do the garden chores,
so, what made him a multi-millionaire?
The “Vader Garden Saber” chain of stores!
by Graeme King